


You and I

by Enchantable



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Anger, Apologies, Chuck is an awkward turtle, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows he’s made a mistake the moment the words leave his mouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and I

**Author's Note:**

> For the request on tumblr: 
> 
> i want someone to write a chaleigh h/c fic where chuck basically ruins raleigh’s emotions like he hurts him so bad bc we see tons of fics where chuck is hurt emotionally but not a whole lot with raleigh
> 
> like he says something when he’s mad that shreds raleigh’s heart so badly and just hhhh
> 
> someone please write this i would love you forever n make you gifs n stuff

He knows he’s made a mistake the moment the words leave his mouth.

Raleigh’s proven himself to be good at expressing himself, if not emotionally than physically, when he’s really pushed. When Chuck shouts at him he’s actually still reeling from a well placed fist to his eye and one of Raleigh’s hands is fisted in the collar of his Striker Eureka Jacket. It’s the first time anyone’s hit him since he survived and it’s definitely the first time he feels like he’s recovered even if he’s on one knee reeling backwards. 

Then he shouts at Raleigh. 

The other man goes still. Perfectly, deadly still and Chuck is ready for him to kill him with his bare hands. But his eyes go wide and a hundred emotions seem to fly over them and the only thing Chuck can think is that he’s made a huge fucking mistake. Raleigh stares at him for a moment and then he doesn’t hit him. His fingers tighten in the leather and he lifts Chuck up fractionally but it’s only so he can throw him back. Chuck lands in a heap and he’s shoving himself up as he sees Raleigh turn and walk away. 

He braces his hand on the ground but doesn’t make a move to get up, Raleigh’s already gone and he doesn’t see the point. Instead he stays on his knee and wonders why he feels so winded when he knows Raleigh didn’t punch the air out of him. 

Raleigh isn’t at dinner. 

Chuck knows because he sits at his usual seat and eats twice as much so he has an excuse not to leave. Even Max gets bored and goes away with Herc. Chuck stays there for as long as they serve hot food and then a little while longer but Raleigh doesn’t come in. Neither does Mako, probably because she knows if she did he would demand to know about Raleigh. He takes the long way back to his barracks but Raleigh and Mako’s doors are both closed tightly. 

It’s the first time in a while Chuck’s felt guilty. 

Like, actually guilty. He knows he’s overstepped some kind of line, he’s pushed Raleigh too far and the older man who seems to have an infinite amount of patience where he’s concerned has reached the edge of that. He knows he shouldn’t have gone there. Mentally he wonders why his messed up mind went straight for Yancy Becket and why Raleigh didn’t punch his mouth so the words wouldn’t leave it. 

At night he looks down at the snoring dog on his chest and wonders what the hell he’s supposed to do. He’s an asshole but people accept he’s an asshole. His dad gives in eventually, Mako huffs until he drags her to the Kwoon and everyone else just kind of accepts it. He’s been getting better at apologies, but the knowledge that Raleigh’s somewhere in the shatterdome too disgusted with him to even punch him sits like a lead weight in his stomach. 

In the morning it’s worse. 

Raleigh isn’t at breakfast and when he sees the bags underneath Mako’s eyes he knows he’s fucked up worse than he thought. He uses every ounce of physical therapy training to go over to where she’s standing and to the young woman’s unending credit she takes an abnormally long amount of time pouring sugar in to the coffees and only turns to go when he gets there. 

"Wait," he says and she can hear the plea even through his gritted teeth, "Mako—"

"Don’t," she says and her voice is as cold as ice when she looks at him, "I will not tell you how he is."

"I don’t need you to," he snaps automatically and her glare turns venomous, "shit," he mumbles. 

"You cannot talk to people like that," she snaps and walks away. 

He doesn’t follow her because he knows Raleigh isn’t going to let him in. It’s worse that no-one in the Gipsy crew treats him any differently. It was only him and Raleigh in the hallway but gossip flied around the Shatterdome lightening fast. Only Mako knows even though Raleigh would be fine telling everyone. But he doesn’t even want to talk about it. He makes it through two meals, hoping that Raleigh will appear so he can grunt out an apology. But Raleigh doesn’t. 

He doesn’t break, he’s Chuck fucking Hansen. 

But apparently he broke Raleigh, or at least badly bruised him, so he works himself up and winds up going to the gym instead. Then afterwards when he’s gasping and exhausted he staggers over to Raleigh’s room and pounds on the door before he can lose his nerve. If he was the kind of person to lose his nerve, which he most certainly is not.

Definitely not when Raleigh opens the door and just looks at him.

"Hit me," he demands because that’s what he should do. That’s what you do when you’re pissed off at someone, "come on, hit me," he demands. 

Raleigh looks at him silently and Chuck wishes that his face was unreadable. It’s closed off, sure, but he can see the pain in his gaze, as if Chuck’s face is a reminder of what he said. As if he’s expecting him to say the words again. Which Chuck is never going to do. It’s to Raleigh’s unending credit he hasn’t slammed the door in his face. 

"We done here?" he asks and the words come out low and guarded.

"What? No," Chuck sputters, "look, man, I’m sorry," he says and ignores the lance of pain in his chest when he steps forward and Raleigh shifts back, "I didn’t mean it." 

Raleigh looks at him silently and then does the one thing Chuck would cut his other leg off to keep him from doing. 

"Fine," he says, "night."

Just before he closes the door he sees Raleigh’s shoulders slope and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone look so defeated. 

The door shuts in his face and though Chuck raises his fist to knock on the door in the end he just winds up pressing his fist to the door and then leaning his forehead against it, as if he presses his himself hard enough to the cold metal he’ll melt through and be able to get Raleigh to talk to him again. 

"Damn it," he exhales and then pushes himself away for another sleepless night. 

"You look awful," Herc says bluntly the next morning. 

Chuck bristles, gripping the coffee cup but he can’t deny it. He’s had a few sleepless nights which wouldn’t be a problem if he was in shape like he should be. He’s got the beginnings of a beard too which just makes things worse. He looks up at his dad and then back at the coffee, offering a piece of toast to Max. 

"I fucked up," Chuck says.

Herc looks at him, unsure about why this is different. Chuck wishes he couldn’t understand that quite as well as he used to. He huffs and looks up at Herc. 

"I said something messed up to Raleigh," he admits, "I can’t even apologize, he won’t look fucking at me."

"That must’ve been something really messed up," Herc says. Chuck glares harder and Herc sighs, "maybe words aren’t enough."

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" he demands, "he won’t even hit me!" 

"Maybe he doesn’t want to," Herc says. 

"So what do I do?" Chuck demands, "bring him fucking flowers?"

Herc shrugs and Chuck throws up his hands. He wouldn’t know where to get flowers anyway. Mako isn’t going to tell him what to do either and he can’t exactly go to Tendo and ask what he’s supposed to do. He feels like he’s got a narrow window though and that window’s shutting. He’s got to do something drastic. Chuck doesn’t mind doing stupid shit in the heat of the moment but planning for it is new to him. 

Though, in hindsight, tripping an alarm so the corridor gets locked down isn’t exactly the most brilliant plan. 

It gets the job done though. 

Raleigh comes out of the room to see him standing there. His features close off as he looks at him and then tighten as they take in the red light and the safety door. 

"You didn’t," the older pilot says slowly. 

"Maybe i did, maybe I didn’t," Chuck says. Raleigh arches an eyebrow and he sighs, "I did."

Raleigh looks back at the door and then at him and Chuck rolls his eyes. 

"My dad’s the Marshall," Chuck says, "there’s gotta be some advantage there."

Raleigh nods and folds his arms across his chest. Chuck rocks on the bottom of the stairs before daring to move up, half expecting Raleigh to close the door and disappear in to his room. The older pilot stays there though. 

"Look I’m sorry," Chuck tries again and Raleigh’s features shut down, "shit, no, sorry—" he lets out a wordless growl and looks at him, "I meant it, okay?" he blurts out and Raleigh raises his eyebrows, "it was heat of the moment and I just wanted to hurt you," he continues, "that’s what you do in a fucking fight. You try to win," he exhales roughly, "but I didn’t mean to hurt you like this."

Chuck slams his eyes on to the ground because he doesn’t break and he doesn’t give up but he isn’t sure he can stomach the sight of Raleigh walking away, hurt because of him. Not again anyway. But Raleigh’s bare feet aren’t moving away from his gaze. Finally Chuck manages to drag his eyes up to see the other man leaning against the door looking at him silently, but his hands have moved from being folded across his chest to shoved in to his pockets. 

He manages to get himself up another few steps until he and Raleigh are standing on the same level. Raleigh shifts his body slightly so their bodies are facing each other. Chuck doesn’t lean against the wall like Raleigh, he steps forward putting his booted feet on either side of Raleigh’s bare ones. Raleigh looked down at him, or as much as he could considering their similar heights. His eyes were slightly wary and somewhere underneath there was an odd sense of something else. At the idea that what he had done had caused so much trouble. 

That Raleigh cared so much about what he thought. 

"I’m sorry," he repeated. 

"I heard you," Raleigh says. 

"That’s not what you’re supposed to say," Chuck says. 

Raleigh arches his eyebrow and Chuck rolls his eyes. 

"What am I supposed to say?" he asks and for the first time in days there’s a spark of amusement in his eyes.

"That you accept my apology," Chuck says. 

Raleigh does that thing with his eyebrows again and Chuck glares because he’s trying to do a proper apology and Raleigh’s just determined to fuck it up and he’s going to wind up having to do this again. He sucks at apologizing for one thing, he has no idea what he’s supposed to do to apologize for two things. Mentally he starts chanting that he can’t mention Yancy. No matter how pissed off he’s going to get, he can’t mention it. 

"You’re telling me what to do with your apology?" Raleigh asks. 

"Yes," Chuck says, "wait, shit, no," Chuck snaps, "yes!’ he says finally, "god why is everything so difficult with you?!"

 

Raleigh’s mouth does something and everything Chuck’s been putting in to trying to apologize to Raleigh comes exploding out. They’re close together and he’s still mentally chanting that he can’t mention Yancy Becket for all those not so stupid reasons. Except it turns out mentioning things isn’t going to be much of a problem. Because his intentions of hitting him don’t exactly pan out. 

He doesn’t mean to kiss him. 

Well, not really. 

Kind of. 

It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it. And he knows he isn’t going to say anything stupid because his mouth is otherwise occupied. He shoves Raleigh against the wall and it is purely accidental that the back of his hand presses against the wall to cushion Raleigh’s head against the cold metal. Raleigh gives as good as he gets and their mouths are rough on each other as they battle for dominance against the wall. It’s a different kind of fighting. 

At least until Raleigh’s hand slides up the back of his tank and pulls his body closer. 

The hard lines of their bodies press against each other as Raleigh pulls him closer. The hand pressed to his back slides around as the older pilot pulls him closer. He’s not exactly gentle but Chuck doesn’t exactly do well with gentle. Raleigh turns them around and pulls him closer, pressing his back against the wall as he kisses him rougher. 

"Raleigh," he begins but Raleigh kisses him again, "Raleig—" Raleigh cuts him off with another press of his mouth, "damn it," Chuck exhales and kisses him back instead. 

"What?" Raleigh asks a moment later. 

"Don’t remember," Chuck says and pushes him back against the door, "doesn’t matter."

 

Raleigh makes a sound that might be a yes or a no and drags him back in to the room. Raleigh’s legs bend and Chuck finds himself straddling Raleigh’s hips. One of his hands slides up Raleigh’s chest, his fingers fitting over the scars that span high on the older pilot’s pelvis as Raleigh’s fingers dig in to his thighs. He ducks forward and presses his mouth to Raleigh’s neck, listening to Raleigh hiss and roll his neck to the side, exposing more of the skin to his mouth. 

They fool around on the bed for a while, long past when the speakers announce that the spill has been cleaned up and emergency containment has ended. Raleigh’s slid down the wall, his legs dangling off the bed to the point where his feet are flat on the floor when the speakers announce that the Marshall wants to talk to Ranger Hansen and Herc’s voice comes out with that deadly tone of ‘now’. 

"Shit," Chuck says hanging his head. 

"You should take care of that," Raleigh gets out. 

"Yeah," he exhales, his hips pressing down on Raleigh’s making the older pilot groan and his fingers tighten on his hip, "don’t move," he says and gets to his feet. 

He agrees to everything that Herc says and accepts his punishment without protest. If his physical therapist could see him he’d been cheering because he’s practically running on his way back to Raleigh’s room, half expecting the door to be locked. But when knocks Raleigh opens the door and drags him inside. They wind up back on the bed, limbs tangled together and bodies pressing in to each other. 

"Shit," Chuck pulls his mouth away clumsily, reluctantly and looks at Raleigh, "can I just—"

"Chuck," Raleigh leans forward and kisses him again, resting their foreheads together, "we don’t have to talk about it."

"It upset you," Chuck says squeezing his eyes shut, "fuck, I hate upsetting you."

Raleigh kisses him again, harder with just an edge of urgency in the gesture. 

 

"You’re making me feel better now," he mumbles. 

Chuck can’t help the smile that quirks his lips even though Raleigh quickly kisses it away. 

"But—" he begins again and Raleigh pulls his lips away and looks at him. 

"Chuck," he says, "I accept it, it’s fine," his fingers grip the hem of his shirt, "let’s talk later. 

"Yeah," Chuck agrees because this definitely seems to be making Raleigh feel better. 

Later finds them tangled on Raleigh’s bed, sweat still slick on their skin. He and his dad might be the only two with scars worse than Raleigh’s now. They’re all pressed to each other, scars and skin not lining up but fitting together. Chuck ducks his head and kisses the hollow of Raleigh’s throat. 

"I’m glad you didn’t," he says.

Raleigh’s arm tightens around him and he lets out a breath. He raises his head to see Raleigh looking up at the ceiling. 

"I’m not," he says and doesn’t look down at Chuck, "and when I am, I feel like shit."

"Don’t," Chuck says immediately, without question, "we’d all be fucking dead if it wasn’t for you," he looks down at the lines that decorate Raleigh’s skin, "I’d be dead," he adds and doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse. 

"You were right though," Raleigh says, "pilots are supposed to die together."

Chuck raises his eyebrows and waits for Raleigh to get it together. The older pilot’s features contort and then he looks at Chuck whose staring down at him with disbelief giving him more patience than he feels. Because if pilots are supposed to die together than he should be dead. He should be dead, Raleigh should be dead and there’s probably a fifty fifty chance Herc should be dead too. Raleigh rolls his eyes as he catches up and then looks at Chuck. 

"If you’re waiting for me to say I was wrong keep waiting," Chuck huffs. 

"Can’t admit it?" Raleigh questions. 

"I’m not wrong," Chuck snaps. 

There’s a hand on the back of his neck and there’s one on his hip and suddenly he’s underneath Raleigh being kissed senseless. He pulls him closer and Raleigh grinds their hips together. 

"Next you’re gonna say you never lose," Raleigh says. 

"Fuck you Becket," Chuck growls, arching his hips up, "I don’t."

Raleigh looks down at him, his pupils blown wide and his face flushed. Chuck stares up at him and fuck, he’s bad with moments like these. Raleigh’s eyes move over his features and when he ducks his head and kisses him it’s slower and more lingering than before. Chuck focuses on not turning it in to a competition as Raleigh’s thumb circles his palm. 

He pushes his fingers open and tangles theirs together and gives Chuck’s the lightest of pressure. There’s one scar on Raleigh’s palm from when he landed after falling out of Gipsy. Chuck presses his hand to that scar tightest of all. He’s shit at apologizing and Raleigh’s shit at being apologized to. But there are all kinds of comfort out there. 

So when Raleigh pulls him closer afterwards and silently asks him to stay, he does.


End file.
